How many before your current?

[Waisted_Giraffe]

Gentlemen (and ladies should you have any thoughts) A question I hope easily answered that can put me at ease about finding a girlfriend who accepts and enjoys the fact I really like heels and have others fetishes for fantasy and play. How many partners have you had that accepted you and your heels? The reason I ask is that I have recently split from my last girlfriend, (no sympathy please, it just didn`t work out) who I made aware of my fetishes, quite early on and in response to something she told me(I thought we both might aswell be honest up front). At the time I mentioned it she was already particularly emotional and drunk but made no reaction to the comment, I wasn`t sure she even comprehended what I had said, so I left it there. Telling her made me feel more relaxed about the situation, if I was going to play when she wasn`t about, it at least didn`t feel like I was lying and should she find anything in my room, she had at least been warned. It must have been 10 months or so later that we were on holiday, both getting roaring drunk :drinking: on Tunisian Red wine (not bad as a warm (hot) weather wine) when she suddenly asked me about what I had previously told her. Needless to say my heart skipped a beat, I had a sudden hot flush and sobered up very quickly. So I preceded to try and explain what it was all about and why I feel the way I do about high heels and my other little fetishes. She appeared to hear what I said but didn`t appear to comprehend any of it. The upshot of it all is that she was okay (?) about me having my fetishes but had no intention of getting involved. I had shown her my copies of Marquis magazine and even asked if she wanted to go to a Fetish Fair with me in my normal clothing, to which she declined saying that she was affraid of what people would be like (look & act) and that she thought she was too closed minded to try. (at least she was honest about that)-sorry I still have issues :argue: ....... Anyway, how many relationships have you had, how many did you tell and what varying degrees of reaction did you get? It appears that most men on this forum have told their current partners, who`s reaction seem to range from accepting but don`t get involved to accepting and promoting. Yours cautiously looking for a new relationship

[squirrelheels]

I told my ex girlfriend about 2 or 3 months before our relationship ended (we're still good friends). Initially when I told her, she was shocked, which I kind of expected, but after the initial shock she was totally cool about it. She's a vegan, so she knows a lot about sticking up for what you believe in, and being obviously different to everyone else. She was very encouraging, and always telling me that I shouldn't be afraid of what people thought, and that I should just go for it and ignore what people think. This was (and still is) sound advice from someone who has lots of experience on the "getting flak for your choices in lifestyle", which meant a lot to me. I haven't had any other girlfriends really. Had a brief fling with a college friend who is all in favour of me wearing heels... she was the one who got me wearing them at college! But sufficed to say, she and I, whilst good friends, are not an item. SH

[Arctic]

A few years ago (well, quite a few already :-)) I was with a girl who was very sweet and kind but not the brightest. Things were really great with her, we had fun all the time and it worked nicely. At that time I wasn't into high heels yet myself but I had this thing for seeing _her_ in high heeled boots (and leather skirts). She accepted it totally and it became kind of "her" thing too. I had some 2 1/2" cowboys (and black leather pants!) which she was totally ok with. I spent all of my scarce money on clothes for her, but still don't regret anything of it as she looked great in it and she really used them. Yeah, those were the days. The best two years of my young life. She would, no doubt, have accepted my heely thing. But I broke up with her, since we were still young and I was thinking that I could find one who was into things as she was, but was a bit more "intellectual". So the next one was one from the university I was studying at that time. She looked like a truck and behaved like something no metaphor has yet been invented for. No heels for her as she was complaining about me making her look like a hooker and so on. After a year or two, she dumped me and that was great. She would defenitely not have accepted my heels. The next major involvement was my current wife. She's very smart, attractive, self-determined and rather stubborn. I like women that way. I told her right away that I have this thing for heels and skirts (on women) and she said that was perfectly ok with her. She said "every guy has something like that". No problem! We bought some boots and skirts and she used them every now and then. A bit later I started to buy fashion boots for her, which she initially was ok with and wore them regularly. At a certain point, she started moving up the corporate career ladder requiring her to wear business clothes daily. Result is that she wears heeled boots every day, but never when I'm around. When I ask her _please_ not to kick off those straight after coming home, she says that has worn them the whole day and wants to relax now. I always loose. She doesn't wear her (short black) leather skirts any more inside either as she says that she has no energy for these kind of "games" or just doesn't feel like it. It may come back some day, she says. It is mainly because of her that I started wearing heels myself and liked it. When I told her about it, she freaked out. She said that this defenitely was not normal and would not tolerate it. Under no conditions. She still hasn't. So she's a perfect wife from every other point of view. I really like her. But this causes her to short circuit. In retrospect, I would have guessed that she WOULD have accepted it, being smart and understanding and everything, but I was wrong. Bottom line: You can't know if someone will accept it. Even if it looks like it's going in the right direction, it may turn around. Remark: I still think that you should try to find a partner because of what she is as a person and not because she likes fetishes or whatever you call your thing. It is probably easier to convince a good woman that you have these interests and mean no harm than finding a fetishist that happens to be a good wife.

[squirrelheels]

Bottom line: You can't know if someone will accept it. Even if it looks like it's going in the right direction, it may turn around.

Remark: I still think that you should try to find a partner because of what she is as a person and not because she likes fetishes or whatever you call your thing. It is probably easier to convince a good woman that you have these interests and mean no harm than finding a fetishist that happens to be a good wife.

Well said Bert, well said.

SH

[Arctic]

Well said Bert, well said.

SH

After reading it again I noticed that I start sounding like some grampa giving our life wisdom...

Well ... reality bites.

[Francis]

I'm afraid, that I'm still on girlfriend number 1 that knew of my 'interests' and she thinks it's great! FF can vouch for that! All she asks is that I don't spend my life buying more shoes and boots that will only get occasional wear, like my ballets and thigh highs. Although if we get the money, she's going to buy me a pair of thigh high ballets (one's with padlocks, so she can keep the key, kinky bitch!) She's cool about me in 4"+ heels, but has issues about me in stilettos at the moment. Maybe when I've lost the spare tyre from my waist that will change.

[Bubba136]

There are a number of guys out there that are in similar situations as yours, Bert. I can remember one guy from Los Angeles, a LA police detective that related his story to us in the chat room one Sunday afternoon. He had worn heels since he was a very little boy. He had kept this part of his personality totally secret because of societal, family and career implications. One day, when he thought the time was right -- out of the clear blue sky he boldly told his wife of several years about his desires. She immediately walked. The big "D" (Divorce.) The guy was totally miserable because he really loved his wife and thought their relationship was strong enough to withstand the revelation My case is very similar to his. I also have been wearing heels since I was a very little boy. I bought my first pair of my own high heels when I was 12. I tried to stop wearing heels when I was in High School (15/17) and was miserable. It was at this point I knew that I couldn't ever stop wearing heels. I decided there were two things that I would do. 1) I would never try to quit wearing heels again. 2) If I ever had any serious relationship with any woman – a relationship that appeared to be evolving into more than just a casual girlfriend-boyfriend acquaintance, I would tell her about my high heels. I felt, and truly believe, it would be totally dishonest not to tell her upfront and to give her an opportunity to make up her mind about this part of my personality. This is precisely what I did when the time came. Our marriage has survived 27 years and three children. And, doesn't look like it's going to end anytime soon. While there were some anxious moments shortly after I revealed this "secret" to her, once she determined that I was worthy of her confidence and would make a good partner in spite of my high heels -- she decided that she could live with it. We established some conditions and a few ground rules about my wearing high heels, to which I totally (and still do) live up to. And, about 10 years into our marriage, my wife accepted the truth that I loved her for herself and not her shoes. She's been totally supportive ever since. Bottom line: Honesty is the best and only policy about everything in your life when you're totally committing yourself to your partner. Relationships have to be built on mutual trust if they're going to last. They can't remain solid if they were originally built on an incomplete or shaky foundation.

[BobHH]

My serious girl friend before marriage was tall and wore very high heels. Her father was in the shoe manufacturing business. Too many emotional problems in this relationship, though. My first wife was very intellectual, opinionated, and disapproving of many things. She was not accepting of things she disapproved of. We are still friends, but it didn't work. My second wife, the BW (Beautiful Wife), was young, pretty, and perfect, in my opinion. When, after years, I finally worked up the courage to very nervously tell her I wanted some high heels, she said "Oh, is that all? I thought it was something serious! If you want some, then get them!" We always shopped together for shoes. And, she encouraged me to wear them whenever, saying "What do you care what other people think?" But, we mostly did it at night with no one around. Now she is gone, and I have little or no hope of finding anyone like her again. It's been too many years and it's probably too late to do it again. High heels at my age must seem like a real weird thing, but I like them.

[squirrelheels]

Bob, It's a shame things didn't work out with your second wife. Sounds like she was a fantastic lady. I don't recall seeing an age limit on high heels last time I checked! If you enjoy what your wearing, you should only let your imagination restrict you! SH

[sexyhipboots]

thank god I never have THIS kind of problem!! I am single in my life (orientation of EITHER kind not the question here, since I feel that it doesnt REALLY matter in the long run) but if there WERE someone else in my life (S.O.) they would have to accept me wearing platform boots & heeled boots/shoes from the start or they would NEVER be a part of MY life!! & that's for darn sure!! btw: for those would like to know about my name it referes to hip high chap boots, and the fact that I feel 'hip" so to speak in all of my boots!

[Grand]

Only one woman in my life knows about my Hi-Heel Fetish: my wife. My previous relationships weren’t “that” serious, so the subject wasn’t brought up with them. Early in our relationship, my wife knew about my Hi-Heel interest… on her, i.e., she has had her share of stiletto pumps, thigh-high boots, etc. over the years. Speaking about getting heels for myself with her for the first time a few years ago (she was my girlfriend at the time) wasn’t easy. As stated in Big D's first thread, “she appeared to hear what I said but didn`t appear to comprehend any of it”. I can relay to this! I am pretty sure this “misunderstanding” is typical of the vast majority of women. Fetishes are fairly uncommon for women, aren’t they? Anyway, things are easier now. It’s all about balance. She doesn’t see me every day in heels, just twice a month maybe. I wouldn’t say she encourages it, but totally accepts it. But then again, I might not be as “addicted” to HH as some members – I only own a pair of 6-1/2” stiletto pumps and a pair of 5-1/4” knee-high stiletto boots. She finds the later very nice, and the fact that I wear a tight jeans/black shirt with it isn’t as scary as seeing me in a skirt, lipstick and wig (I don’t wear any of these three!). I obviously would like her to be interested in the Fetish scene, but she isn’t comfortable with it. I cannot blame her, there are some weirdos out there… Still, I would love to go to a Fetish ball/party, dressed with a latex catsuit (latex is my other interest) and stiletto boots. Will I do it on my own one day? Who knows? Even though I would like her to be more interested in my HH Fetish, I don’t want to spoil my marriage for that simple reasons. My wife has 1000 other qualities…

[Dr. Shoe]

When I was courting my first wife, she was heavily into heels and short skirts and looked good in them and I spent quite a lot of money on these for her. She knew of my "thing" for heels but was totally against me aquiring any (though I did anyway). On the eve of our wedding, she asked me to put a suitcase up in the attic to make room in the wardrobe for my clothes. When I took a peek, it was full of her short skirts and heels and from that day on it was baggy tops, jeans and trainers for her. Now I am with an absolute smasher who likes my fetish but isn't too keen on public appearances unless they are away from home which is not a policy I personally agree with but there are a lot of other factors that transcend my own selfishness.

[Yamyam]

My ex-wife seemed OK with my heels & stuff, and it wasn't a problem until we had our little one, which is when things started going wrong between us. To be honest, I think that heels wasn't the problem, but she wanted a handy excuse. I've told the couple of girlfriends I've had since. One was very positive, but things didn't work out, again for other reasons. The other was, well, okay about it, but again, things didn't work out. She said that it wasn't to do with shoes, and I didn't believe her then. I think that now I do, tho'. I'd still tell a new girlfriend about it, but I now I don't think I'd tell straight away, I thiink I'd give it a few weeks or so, just so that we can get to know each other a bit better. HTHelps

[BobHH]

It's not that things didn't work out with my second wife, the BW. She had a sudden heart attack and passed away in Sept. 2001. It was, at that time, an undetectable condition. The death of a U.S. major league baseball player almost a year ago from the same thing resulted in a new test to detect the potential. It seems to take somebody prominent to get that sort of thing done. I don't think I will ever get over it - we were that close, loving to be together all the time, even after 20 years.

[squirrelheels]

That's rough beyond belief. I can't think of anything worse happening. I don't think I could cope with something like that. I guess with every situation, you learn to make the best of what you have, but as I guess you've found out, it's never the same. You're a stronger man than most to be able to live through that. To quote Mark and Lard: "'nuff respect". SH

[Nicole]

1st girlfriend was very encouraging but things didn't work out, due to our lives digressing. we're still in occasional contact but haven't seen each other in years. 2nd girlfriend is also now my wife. I told her upfront, and she.. deals with it. Well- I'd rather be married to some one I love who doesn't like my high heel wearing, than not married. In between, I hung out with one woman who was mostly encouraging but not interested in being my girlfriend. I also hung out with a man who was also encouraging and was interested in being my boyfriend. Sadly for him, I am not gay. Still in touch with the woman but haven't heard from the man for many years.

[mk4625]

The other week my girlfriend said goodbye over the issue of my wearing boots when we made love. That's why I sought out this board to see if other men had similar experiences. It's part of the healing as I am still somewhat depressed over the breakup. My ex was not really into boots when I first met her and didn't even wear dress boots to work. She asked me out first, which was a little flattering. One of the first things I did was inspect her closet which was relatively uninteresting except for a pair of leather mule-boots with slightly rounded pointed toes and 3 1/2 inch heels. They had been recently worn and had a silk scarf thrown over them, leaving the open back and heels exposed. Silk scarves and boots (yes even mule-boots) are a powerful stimulant for me and I fell in love with her at that moment, although I would soon grow to love her for herself. She let me buy her boots to wear when we went out and was enough of a sport to wear them to bed. I had also gotten her a pair of leather chap boots from a local fetish house and she wore those for me too. I loved to see her in those boots which were crotch high and had 5 1/2 inch heels. It was about this time that I had started wearing boots again after a lapse of several years (I had been wearing leather court shoes during that time). I ordered a pair of boots identical to hers in size 14 which works very well as I wear a US 10EE men's shoe. A few weeks ago we had started talking about living together so I had to "come clean". I showed her my boots which she could see were the same as hers except 8 sizes larger. The heels on mine were also slightly higher, nearly 6 inches. She seemed surprised, but not disgusted. I then told her I wanted to wear my boots while having sex. She agreed to this and even told me that I was a much better lover when we both had our boots on. I was relieved to say the least. Then a week and a half ago she left a message saying that the relationship had gotten a bit "weird" and that she was breaking it off. I think I handled the matter reasonably well. If a relationship is to move onto the next stage, you will have to lay all of your cards on the table. I suppose too that I had become overconfident because she had been so agreeable in accomodating my fetishes up to that point. I'm not bitter. I have spoken to her several times since then and I am pleased enough that she still considers me a friend. I have always accepted that not everyone can handle this sort of thing.