Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
xaphod

Quotes from the lighter side of life

Recommended Posts

Another media one: "French driving students may soon have to wait 24 hours before finding out test results because too many candidates are attacking examiners who fail them on the spot. Some learner drivers who fail are threatening examiners with death, often at gunpoint." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's one from the media for those who like the amber stuff. "An English motorist who reported his car stolen after a night of heavy drinking was embarrassed to find it again exactly where he had parked it - a full year afterwards. The man found the car untouched in a quiet side street when he was visiting a friend." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree, Here's another hope the British postal service is a bit more reliable than this on most occasions. "A postcard has finally reached its destination in Britain - 100 years too late. The sepia card, addressed to a Miss Riley, of Heaton Mersey, near Manchester, still bears the half penny stamp showing the head of Edward VII, who reigned from 1901 to 1910." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

These guys ain't to smart! "Three Germans have been arrested in Poland for trying to cash a counterfeit cheque for $41 million at a Warsaw bank. Police said the suspects had earlier tried to cash the cheque at a bank in Cracow, but left after being told it would take two weeks to clear." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From the media. Canadians enjoy: "Police in Vancouver are searching for Osama bin Laden - or at least a man who last week used the name of the Saudi-born militant to steal petrol. The suspect drove off in a luxury car after using a fake credit card that listed the customer's name as Osama bin Laden." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's another from the media, "Job seekers visiting an employment office in England found an unusual offering among the usual advertisements: a knife-thrower's assistant was required at a circus performing nearby. "The right applicant must have confidence and, of course, a certain amount of courage," a circus spokeswoman said." Hey Francis / Firefox interested? Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 2002-04-16 11:07, IHeels wrote:

Any Finns out there.

"Finns have started wondering if their spirit of fairness has gone too far after Anssi Vanjoki was fined $A193,700 for doing 75 kmh in a 50 kmh zone. In Finland fines are based on the offender's income - the Nokia executive earns almost $A10 million a year."

Punative!

Inga :smile:

Yep, he's my boss (several layers in between, though). And I got a speeding ticket here too: 15 "income days" was the fine.

Bert

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Bert, Is it true? Here's another: "The Indian pilot who strayed into Pakistani air space two months ago, sparking further confrontation between the two countries, has been removed from his position as the air force's commander-in-chief. He is now in charge of flight safety." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's one for the Brit's: "A member of Britain's elite Rolls-Royce Club faces being banned from the organisation after he stopped his car during a drive-past for the Queen's golden jubilee to let a child jump out and give her a small portrait. Club officials deemed the act a breach of protocol." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Sometimes even crooks have to work for a living. Disappointed with the money they found in the safe at a Starbucks coffee shop, armed bandits resorted to serving lattes and cappuccinos at the drive-through window to beef up their booty, Washington police said." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"A retired German scientist has refused to take "moo" for an answer and is devising a computer program to enable farmers to understand their cows. The 62-year-old says a correctly interpreted "moo" would help farmers identify bovine illness early." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Cash-strapped chiropractors in Los Angeles, hit by medical insurance changes which reduced the fees they can charge, are letting out rooms to prostitutes to boost income. Police have closed down 16 brothels operating on chiropractic premises in the past year." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Singles in Singapore who want to get attached but are unsure of how the dating game works can now get help from a manual written by a government matchmaking agency. It includes practical tips and ideas on how to plan the perfect first date." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Fed up with high taxation, an antiques dealer who goes by the name of Count Dracula has declared independence for his 16-hectare estate south of Berlin. The count now has the backing of local leaders to turn a nearby village into the "Kingdom of Dracula"." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One for you Brits: "In a British study of who children have dreamed of emulating over the past 60 years, Cliff Richard, whose first hit was in the late 1950s, was a clear second - beaten only by England football captain David Beckham." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"A village in Brazil marked its second annual "Orgasm Day" yesterday, launched to try to boost the satisfaction level of local women. Officials had found that 73 per cent of local women were not satisfied by their partners, leading to cheating and separations." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"The French Cup final was delayed after spectators booed the national anthem and an angry President Jacques Chirac - among the crowd - demanded an apology from soccer chiefs. Lorient and Bastia players returned to their rooms until the apology was issued." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"A Canadian facing seven years in jail for robbing a New York bank wants a discount on his jail time to account for the country's weak exchange rate against the US dollar. The believes he should serve only four years with the Canadian dollar worth 60 per cent of the US dollar." Eat your heart out Laurie as a Canuck. Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

we all know that Ladislow Biro (a Hungarian) invented the ballpoint pen so that RAF bomber crews had something to write with at high altitude. During the 1980s NASA wanted something similar for space-shuttle crews and so commisioned a development project to design a pen that could work in zero gravity, high gravity, upside down, in low pressure, in high pressure, in fact in all situations that were likely to be encountered. The study cost $27 million and each pen costs $1000 to make. The Russians commissioned a similar project that was quickly terminated when it was pointed out that a pencil would work just as well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"An incompetent hitman whose mask's eye holes were so big that he was recognised has been jailed for life for two shootings. A Leeds court heard the man was also trapped by evidence on a favourite football jacket that he could not bear to burn with other clothing." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any football fans out there: "A Thai massage parlour has launched a campaign to lure loyal football fans away from television screens during the World Cup - rubdowns from women wearing the strip of their favourite team." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So much for eBay auctions: "Bidding for bone chips removed from a US baseballer's injured pitching arm reached $US23,600 before it was stopped. Online auction company eBay stopped fans bidding because it doesn't allow the sale of body parts." Inga :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This one's got that MPFC twang! "A British finance company that used nine "flying" pigs in a TV ad has promised the porkers will see out their days in luxury. Soft-hearted viewers flooded the company with calls - not to buy its services but to demand the pigs never be made into bacon." :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't know what to make of this. "Former Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic was best man at the recent prison wedding of another war crimes suspect, Predrag Banovic, in the UN jail near The Hague."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Double murderer Raymond Tudor, 48, believed to have escaped from a Canadian prison almost two months ago, didn't get far - he was found hiding in the ventilation system late last week. Despite losing 30 kilograms he was in good health."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Inhabitants of Junin, a small city in Argentina, are lending their cars to the police. Government spending has been slashed in the nation's worst-ever recession, leaving the police with a broken-down fleet and no money for petrol despite a crime wave." I :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Fears of potential booby-traps have led the Israeli army to ban soldiers on the West Bank and in the Gaza Strip from accepting pizzas they did not order themselves. In the past month more than 4000 pizzas have been sent as gifts into the security-sensitive areas." :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 2002-05-21 14:07, IHeels wrote:

This one's got that MPFC twang!

"A British finance company that used nine "flying" pigs in a TV ad has promised the porkers will see out their days in luxury. Soft-hearted viewers flooded the company with calls - not to buy its services but to demand the pigs never be made into bacon."

:smile:

I've seen that advert. And to be honest, I'd much rather they'd be in my stomach than flying around in a stupid advert :wink:

Just don't tell my vegan girlfriend that I said that! :smile:

SH

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×