krazykev64

Am i a crossdresser

87 posts in this topic

59 minutes ago, robbiehhw said:

It's been a long time since i had any view of mine deemed conservative, but you are welcome to that opinion :) 

Yeah indeed i could also put up pictures of women models in clothes that would make you wonder what side of the aisle it is from. I love fashion and one trend i do see in fashion now is the feminization of male fashion and the masculization  of female fashion. (again from a design perspective, for lack of any better terms). Men's jeans now have spandex in them and are often skinny, a few designers put skirts out for men (not kilts mind you), there is a major makeup line that is put out as unisex etc. Zara puts out a completely unisex line.  Things show signs of sort of merging. Of course, women's fashion has had its suits and oxford shoes etc a long time. 

The evolving modern view on gender expression is a pretty decent thing in my mind because for one thing it promotes equality and reduces rigid social norms. Could there be a time when the line of what is crossdressing and what is just everyday fashion expression is further blurry? Yep and i'd welcome that.

This would be interesting to see - - unfortunately, I haven't. Then again I live in the land where pajama pants and flip flops are suitable attire and jeans from Walmart and Rural King are high fashion for men.

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I'm seeing more here on the west coast, and Oregon is pretty liberal.

In my town recently i have seen a guy wearing a skirt and dock martins, a guy wearing those wedge tennis shoes that are sort of cool and another more androgynous person wearing a cool looking dress with jeans. I'm guessing that none of the three identified as trans except maybe the androgynous person, but i could be mistaken.

About three years ago as i was on the cusp of coming out as trans, i saw a guy in Salt Lake City in line with me at airport security wearing both women's sandals and having polished toenails the same as me :). That same time another lady in the airport came up to me and said  something like " i love the way you are dressed, that is so awesome keep it up " I did.

Edited by robbiehhw

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11 hours ago, Shyheels said:

Gee, if it says so on the box then that must be that, huh? 

Cross dressing - gender variance as you put it - is not at all the same as making alternate fashion choices in footwear. Other things are going on inside the minds of cross dressers  that are not taking place within the minds of those who are choosing their styles based on appearance and fashion sense alone. 

That is why this is a fashion website not a cross dressing website. There is a considerable difference.

Again, I disagree with you! Sure many crossdressers have gender identity issues, some just like to wear the clothing. There are plenty crossdressers that just like to wear women's clothing and have no issue with their gender. Right on this forum we have Cat for example. He seems very content being a man wearing women'a clothing. I don't believe he has any gender issues. Just like many here like wearing heels, he likes wearing skirts. Technically he is a crossdresser.

I don't believe you can lump all crossdressers in one file drawer as you can not lump all heels wearers in one category. Some guys wear heels because they get a sexual rush, some just for the fashion. 

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17 hours ago, Shyheels said:

Gee, if it says so on the box then that must be that, huh? 

Cross dressing - gender variance as you put it - is not at all the same as making alternate fashion choices in footwear. Other things are going on inside the minds of cross dressers  that are not taking place within the minds of those who are choosing their styles based on appearance and fashion sense alone. 

That is why this is a fashion website not a cross dressing website. There is a considerable difference.

Totally agree.

Who puts the labels on the boxes ?

The designer ? The shoe maker ? The shoe seller ? Neither.

Us.

And following this choice, the designer, the shoe seller, and the shoe maker will market it to the ones they expect to choose the style.

 

Of course this is only true for the style in general, and after the style is chosen and the expected target identified, the designer will then adjust the shape and robustness of a specific item to a the size / weight / durability which they think is most expected to suit the expected customers.

 

Further, when you adopt a style for what it is (how you appear in it), and not because it comes from the other side, it is not crossdressing.

So Robbie and ShyHeels you say the same. Wiki has it also :

"Cross-dressing has been used for purposes of disguise, comfort, and self-actualization ". 

The list is intended to be comprehensive, you see, it does not include style, fashion, appearance, presentation, etc.

Thus style and fashion are not a matter of crossdressing.

 

Deciding whether you wear an item for style or for crossdressing only belongs to the wearer.

It is in your mind alone Krazy Kev.

 

We can discuss this other and other.

And no women do not crossdress when they wear pants, at least not today.

G.

Edited by Gudulitooo
lost in translation

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OK. So i have come to the conclusion that i am not a crossdresser.  its just that i feel a need for change and will wear what i want.  in work today i was wearing my ugg boots which are sold as unisex but with sizes to suit both men and women.  the odd thing with ugg boots is that there is no equivilent full UK sizes only half sizes. i need a UK 9.5.

Anyway im off shopping wearing my new peeptoe boots as the weather is dry

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krazykev64,

Even if you were a "cd" by any definition how does that make any less human?? Are you to be treated differently, by social imposition, or worse, by a function of law, because you believe this label applies to you?? Irrespective of biological gender or the choice of footwear or other clothing people have the same needs for food and water, shelter, money, and entertainment. As humans they also have a need for interaction and that interaction is best facilitated with understanding by the many and confidence by the one.  The world you see around you (the many) should understand how important self-expression is via fashion and you (the one) must have the confidence to project it. HappyinHeels

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Happy, even in this forum I sense some negativity about crossdressing. I don't know why the name, or description is bad, but the action is ok. Seems to me it is ok to crossdress, just don't call me a crossdresser!

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If you were referring to my comments, there is no negativity - although it is nothing that interests me. I disagree with you on what it is, how you would define it.

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Hmmmm......  I don't consider myself a "crossdresser" but I DO wear women's shoes a lot.  I imagine that some others would consider me a crossdresser.  I just disagree.  Bottom line, to me it's not that big of a deal...   take care all...  sf

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Hi guys,

l have just recently joined and I have was struggling with the same question 6 months ago.

Is it just a love affair with women's shoes ? (Fetish)

Or, am I now a cross dresser because I wear ladies underwear daily and spend more time looking for that perfect women's sweater or pair of jeans ?

I have chosen the later.

 The cross dressing style that I strive for Is being manly enough without drawing excessive attention . As long as the cloths are women's I get the same sense of satisfaction and fulfillment wearing them.

Trying to incorporate is behavior into a marriage can be a challenge, my wife is very traditional but she is realizing quickly that there are more important things to take issue over in life.

Yes, I am a cross dresser I find women's shoes and cloths appealing and satisfying.  I have recently opened up to a few close friends that have been nothing but supportative. I realize that not everyone is going to be so understanding so as I expand my new style I need to be aware of who may be in my company and the value of or relationship.

i hope this helps...

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Hmmmm...  In your thread "Marriage and shoe fetish" you said, "I like women's shoes and some cloths because of how they feel on and how they look on me" but here your making the declaration that you are a cross dresser.

First, I will point out rule 13 in the Guidelines of inappropriate topics for this site - "Cross-dressing/CD/TV/Transgender related topics nor usernames nor profile info. (This is a fashion website.)"

Second, I'm now starting to more understand your wife's concerns.

Third, In my mind there is a big step (usually taken in heels) between liking to wear heels and being a cross dresser.  For me, most days boots and leggings/jeans satisfy me but other days only being fully cross dressed satisfies me (and I can't predict when either is going to happen).  In my experience, cross dressing is a slippery slope that, as time goes on, you will want to explore more completely.  One of these days heels, jeans and a sweater won't satisfy your desire.

Advise (remember this is the WEB and your hearing from total strangers) - Go very slowly.  Be very aware of what you are doing.  Listen to your wife.  Don't lie to yourself or your wife (this is tough, especially the don't lie to yourself part as your wife will know if you lie but you might not).  Cross dressing is addictive, once started it is very hard to stop.  End of Advice.

I wish you well.

:wavey:

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Posted (edited)

I agree that it is a very big step from a footwear choice to crossdressing, but it is far from an inevitable step. I like my boots, with jeans and jumper, but there is no way on earth I would ever be interested going even a single step further or delve into crossdressing - not experimentally, nor our if curiosity. Not at all. I think one either has leanings in that direction, or one does not. I do not. At all.

Edited by Shyheels

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7 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I agree that it is a very big step from a footwear choice to crossdressing, but it is far from an inevitable step. I like my boots, with jeans and jumper, but there is no way on earth I would ever be interested going even a single step further or delve into crossdressing - not experimentally, nor our if curiosity. Not at all. I think one either has leanings in that direction, or one does not. I do not. At all.

I think there is something to what you have said--either you're susceptible to the allure of crossdressing, or you aren't. It's been an interesting journey starting five years ago, when I first admitted to myself that I wanted to wear high heels, and I wanted to wear them as my regular footwear. Partially as a result of ideas gleaned from the discussions on this site, I have incorporated other articles of women's clothing into my wardrobe, mainly trousers (dare I use the Midwestern term "slacks"?), jeans, and shorts. They fit my small frame better, and look better with heels (thanks in no small part to my tailor-friend and fellow high heel enthusiast). I wear skinny jeans. I wear leggings. I wear tight fitting t-shirts. I wear my knee high boots on the outside of my pants. All of which could very well be considered "girly" things.

But on the other hand, I have not been tempted thus far to wear skirts or dresses, nor women's undergarments, nor makeup, nor nail polish (though my wife gives me a hard time about my strict nail care routine--it just doesn't involve polish). I'm not saying I can or will never be tempted by any of these things or more, it's just that it seems unlikely. I've gone about as far as I want to, and I'm happy. I don't really feel like I'm a crossdresser, but some might label me as such. I guess it really doesn't matter.

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6 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

I don't really feel like I'm a crossdresser, but some might label me as such. I guess it really doesn't matter.

Some labels do matter. The ones that others pin on us matter not so much, but the ones we pin on ourselves matter a great deal as they define how we see ourselves.

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When I was younger, I considered myself a closet cross dresser because I chose to wear and look extremely feminine in the privacy of my own home. As I got older, I transitioned from the extremely femme look, and started trying to find clothes and shoes that, while they might be women's clothes, they don't stand out and scream it.

This leads to where I am today. Pretty much every pair of pants I own now is women's, including new work pants I just got yesterday. In the winter, I only wear boots, heeled and not heeled, outside of work UNLESS I'm doing work around home, which are hiking/work shoes. I have a decent number of pair of women's underwear because boxers don't work with tighter fitting pants.

BUT here is where I draw definitions and lines. Yes, I cross dress because society has labeled the clothing I wear on the lower half of my body to be meant for a woman, not a man. But I don't care because my wife actually prefers it, saying I look better in them. Some close friends know this and don't care. If anything, some of the girls have taken to finding similar stuff for their guys to wear now. But I cross dress, and don't look feminine.

When I was younger, I hated the term cross dressing, because I grew up with the though that if I dress in women's clothes, and look like a woman, I must be gay. I feel society as a vast majority is responsible for this. I can't find a specific person to fault, but over time, it seems people just default to seeing you in women's clothes and think, oh you must be gay. I think that may be a partial reason I steered away from that, because I knew I was into women. But shame on me, even though I was young and ignorant then, because now my thought is, who cares?

At the end of the day, I remember that life is sooo incredibly short, I don't have time to stop and worry what other people think. Why waste my time worrying and control what people think about me?

So remember that no matter what you do, people are going to define it their own way, those who do it, and those who see it. What matters is your take on it and your comfort level. People will always judge.

The thing I tell myself is that they are just jealous because they realize how good I look and can pull it off.

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Posted (edited)

There is a lot of crossdressers here in the simple meaning of the description. Many have a problem admitting it! I have no issue with it and willingly accept the label. I am very envious of women and thier varied fashion where men are hung up on simple pants and shirts. I just wish my spouse was willing to accept my quirks.

Edited by Pumped

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I think there are a lot of cross dressers on the forum who would like to universalise what they do and so they extend and broaden the definition of the term to the point that virtually anybody could be considered a crossdresser from the guy wearing pink to a woman wearing a men's fedora or schoolgirl wearing a necktie. It just ain't so.

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Posted (edited)

The definition of crossdressing to me is simply wearing clothing intended for the opposite gender. If you look up the definition most will agree with me. If you wear panties, skirts, shirts meant for the opposite gender you fit the definition. Shoes perhaps too.

I don't care the reason for wearing it. I believe some get hung up that is has to be fetish related, to me the description, I don't think it does. Also the term gets treated like there is something totally wrong crossdressing. IMO there is not, as long as you are a healthy member of society and function dealing with the public all is good.

Edited by Pumped

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Posted (edited)

There is nothing, absolutely zero wrong with being a CD and yes by most "experts" in the field, that puts you on a gender variant continuum and that even puts you into the same interest groups with LGTBQi society as a whole. Although gender expression and sexual preference are completely different things, by practice much of the gender variant community allies itself with this segment, because we sort of face some of the same challenges and foes.

Of course, as we see here there are definitely people that CD where it has little or no impact on their "identity" and they don't consider themselves feminine. There are some that never wear more than one thing, heels, underwear etc. These are the exceptions and outliers and that is perfectly awesome. Another option is the newer term "genderF$%*" where folks present themselves with very different aspects in the same look, for instance a beard and a tutu.  They often do this because they want to mess with societies gender norms. Again, pretty neat.

What you wear is your style and it does not have to be ultra feminine. I'm a trans woman and i dress fairly "tomboy" much of the time. 

Wear what you want, when you want should be the slogan for everyone; men, women and everything in between.

The fact that so many folks start out wearing one thing and years later they are wearing many things, is further evidence that they are on the continuum. We should not really worry about labels in my opinion, because ultimately it is a better world where gender expression is trivial and not worth the angst that is caused by it. 

Shoes and boots are great items but by themselves they have no gender. 

 

Edited by robbiehhw
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10 hours ago, robbiehhw said:

 

Shoes and boots are great items but by themselves they have no gender. 

 

I disagree with that comment, but I will probably be the minority here. If shoes have no gender how come I can not find 4" stiletto heels in the men's shoe department? If you say shoes have no gender perhaps bras, panties and other "woman's" wear have no gender either.

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Well. If I had a clothing/shoe store I'd just sort items by size, not by gender. With the ideology: If you love the item. WEAR IT. With pride!

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Shoes and boots have no gender. Everyone wears shoes and/or boots. Beyond that point it is merely a question of styling.

Bras etc. most definitely have gender and to suggest otherwise is just being ingenuous. 

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Ok, skip bras, but everyone wears underwear, so panties are the same as tighty whities? Lacy blouses the same as flannel shirts? Kilts versus skirts? After all everyone wears undies and shirts and it is just styling differences.  I wish there was no gender separation, but there is. 

 

I challenge anyone to grab a 4" stilleto heel pump and a pair of men's oxfords and stand on a street corner and ask passers-by which gender is each pair. Pretty sure it would be clear soon.

Edited by Pumped

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Yes, styling differences would be clear, as would all the associations with each style,  but a woman who wore the work boots would not be considered a crossdresser. Neither would or should the man be who wore the stilettos. Not on their own.

Edited by Shyheels

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I agree with that! There is definitely a double standard. Women can wear pretty much whatever they want, men get to deal with unaccepting people.

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By footwear having no gender (and clothes in general) what I meant was that gender is a construct, it is nothing biological. Humans create gender norms based partially on biological sex, but also on other cultural factors such as appearance, trends etc. I totally understand that people associate things with gender. My point is that they don't have to because in the end it is all a human fabrication anyways.

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