Scale Of Confidence

[Histiletto]

My scale of confidence bounces between and upon, if not over both ways at times, the stages 2 and 3 randomly. I probably could be at the fourth stage by wearing the more masculine idea of high heels that many wear, but stiletto and spike heel pumps are my motivation.

[kneehighs]

I'm not. Option 5 basically infers that one doesn't care at all about their personal appearance. I can't see kneehighs in that gro

 

Very amateur I would say! LOL

 

This is all about comfort zones.

 

Many years ago when I first started to wear female clothes I never would have thought that I would be living completely as a woman.

 

First I went to trans events and changed there, then I would change at home, leave after dark and drive there (making sure I had enough petrol!). Then one day I made a miscalculation and ended up having to buy fuel on the way home. I would have changed at he venue but I had no male clothes with me.

 

Next I went shopping with friends in a town many, many miles away from home. Then to towns closer to home. Then I started to go at out in daylight and shop locally.

 

The next step was going to college en femme and after a while I became a weekend princess.

 

Now I can say that I haven't worn a single item of male clothing for almost three years.

 

To go from a first time experience to living and working full time in one leap is unthinkable but to gradually expand your comfort zone is easy if you go at a pace that suits you.

 

I am very surprised that Kneehighs voted 4 though, I've met him a few times and he has always come across as a very confident person.

 

 

I'm not. Option 5 basically infers that one doesn't care at all about their personal appearance. I can't see kneehighs in that group.

 

 

After the point of first impression of clothing has been established sometimes I like to leave the door to rapport open, which requires awareness of someone else's feelings.  Sometimes, that even leads to feelings of compassion and empathy towards others, which also requires an awareness of how other people feel. Option 5's absolute wording of  "others peoples feelings are TOTALLY IRRELEVANT" didn't leave much to be desired for an upwardly socially mobile individual.

 

p.s. Dr. Shoe, thanks for the acknowledgement.  Same to you Shafted. 

[Dr. Shoe]

I read it to mean that other people's feelings were totally irrelevant to you, not to them. In other words you don't care if they stare or look at you. This in no way means that you don't care about your appearance.

[SleekHeels]

I didn't want to word option #5 as "I don't care about others feelings" or "with blatant disregard for others feelings" because that's loaded with arrogance. I settled on the wording "totally irrelevant" because I was trying to choose wording that made #5 a viable option for someone for whom others feelings are simply not a consideration. For some that's perfectly reasonable while for others it's a step too far, but I don't think there's any right or wrong answer to that, it's just interesting to hear peoples perspectives and interpretations.

[Foxyheels]

Well in the context of people's feelings purely to my choice of shoes/ boots I'm probably a 5 99% of the time as I really don't care what they think. It's my life and I will wear what I want. If they have an issue with it then that's their problem.

[Guest]

I am between a 4 and 5. There are people here at work that I don't want them to know then there are others that see the entire shoe. Like everyone here I started as a 1. But the burning and aching inside to wear heels in my normal life soon overcame 1,2 and 3. I se others here that are 1s and 2s and just wonder how long before they are where I am.

[Lime15]

I'm between 2 and 3 and as been said above, it really boils down to comfort zones.  I really don't have the heeling in public bug anymore but these days I think that has more to do with being so comfortable doing so at home.  Wearing heels for me is more about kicking back, relaxing, and unwinding from the day.  I'd say it's almost akin to women who lounge around at home in expensive lingerie.  I simply like to dress differently (no heels, no skirts) when I'm out and about in the world and that's a style I've built throughout my life to this point.  I've never felt repressed where I wasn't able to wear something I've wanted to.  I've always worn heels at home, back during the purging years up until today, and been comfortable doing so sans those few moments of weakness in the past.  I have two distinct styles, but the sweatpants and torn up shirt that some guys would wear around the house is replaced with stilettos and a pencil skirt in mine.  On rare occasion I want to go out in a pair of heels, and I do, but I am very careful about it for my safety (begin "don't heel alone at night" story #4,726) and my livelihood.

[Kittyinboots]

I am at level 3.  It can be frustrating with people with their camera phones and posting pics and videos on YouTube or other Internet sites.  But at least this site helped me to increase my confidence a bit.

[kneehighs]

I read it to mean that other people's feelings were totally irrelevant to you, not to them. In other words you don't care if they stare or look at you. This in no way means that you don't care about your appearance.

Other's feelings are not irrelevant to me.  While their negative feelings will have zero effect on my heel wearing or my self-worth, their positive feelings can catapult my personal success far beyond what my imagination can envision.  I appeal to people's egos in my profession.  The more I make people feel empowered, smarter, bolder, and sophisticated, the more I succeed.

[SleekHeels]

Presumably there are a whole bunch of #1's out there who aren't voting. In any case the stats (and comments) would broadly seem to suggest a somewhat polarised population of heelers: a bunch of apprehensive #1's and #2's who haven't made the leap, and a bunch of confident #4's and #5's who have made the leap. One could maybe even speculate that many (though perhaps not all) of the #1's and #2's wish they could make that leap, while generally the #4's and #5's don't regret making the leap. Certainly in my experience the leap seems far smaller looking back from #4 than it did looking forward from #2. I hope that inspires confidence in some wishful #2's - the grass really is greener on the other side!

 

Other's feelings are not irrelevant to me.  While their negative feelings will have zero effect on my heel wearing or my self-worth, their positive feelings can catapult my personal success far beyond what my imagination can envision.  I appeal to people's egos in my profession.  The more I make people feel empowered, smarter, bolder, and sophisticated, the more I succeed.

 

I think that's an important point. We can gain far more self-worth by increasing the sense of self-worth of those around us rather than trying to knock it down. We sometimes assume the worst of how people will react to a guy in heels, and don't necessarily give them any credit. Sure there's a minority of narrow-minded idiots around, but most people are hovering and we have the power to bring out the best or worst in them with our attitude. I'm not advocating some kind of utopian naivety, but it's easy to be too dystopian and hold ourselves back.

[trickrider1]

I voted a #3, but it all depends on the shoes or boots in question and where I'm wearing them.  With only a couple exceptions, every single piece of footwear I own came from the "women's department".  That is due to a couple factors: 1.  I like it and I like the styles better,  even women's sneakers look trimmer and neater than an equivalent men's version of the exact same style.  2. I have relatively small feet, so they fit better.

So in the sense of being comfortable wearing "women's shoes or boots", I'm a strong 4.  But that has to be explained, because all my Ariat, Justin, Tony Lama, Tin Haul, Corral, etc. cowgirl boots, barely look girly and they aren't "heels".  Same goes for the Docs, Danskos, etc.  Now, if I'm going to wear my platform clogs with wood soles, now I'm getting into 2 and 3 territory,  confident but more for casual evening outings, concerts, dinner, etc.  But if I'm going to pull out my stiletto platforms, I'm afraid that puts me as a 1.

[Heals4me]

I went for 4.

 

My confidence is 5 but I do care what people think to a degree.

I've never encountered any negative comments while out and about, only positives and compliments, I'd like to think I'd just brush off any negative comments but until that happens I won't know.

 

If I've got heels on that means the rest of my outfit will be eye catching too. As I've pushed the boundaries on my clothing I spend less time thinking about the heels I'm wearing. They are just an accessory in effect!

[RonC]

I voted number 2 in this poll, but in truth, it greatly depends on what heels I am wearing.  When I wear my 3 to 4", chunky heel boots with longer jeans, I am pretty confident when out and about and really don't pay much attention to other people.  On the other hand, however, I do not go out in public in thinner heel boots, or pumps, etc.  I just don't have the desire to be the "look at that guy" person, or to have a photo show up somewhere on line (like the nasty video that is in one of the other threads of the guy ridiculing another guy that was out shopping in heels.  My wife and family do not have knowledge of my heeling, and unfortunately, I think, for world peace (my world, that is  ), it needs to stay that way.  So I can be somewhat confident when pretty much incognito, but not at all if the heels would be readily apparent.  

[Heelster]

I voted #3

 

My wife has seen a majority of my inventory, and the thought of me wearing most of them out and about kinda scares the hell out of her. She can't wear heels anymore, and didn't much when she could. My kids have seen me in my "lady boots" as my daughter calls them, but nothing beyond that. rarely will I wear anything out locally. 

 

When I go out of town for business, and as soon as work is done, it's a whole  different ball game, I go out to dinner, go shopping, or just walk the malls in heels and ussally womens jeans. I will never see 99.99% of these people again, so it doesn't matter. I don't think I've been caught on camera yet, but I'm sure it will happen sometime.

[ChipsHH]

I voted #1 and #2 but I'm settling with #2 now. I despise the town I live in. Too many relatives and chances of me running into them. I'm sure if I told them and I knew that they would be fine with my heeling, then as someone said, I'd feel much better and might be a #3 or a #4, even. For now, it's closet heeling for me. Though I have my days of saying 'eff it', gathering my self, and taking the plunge knowing I shouldn't run into anyone.

[jones4725]

I voted #2 as well.  My wife is very tolerant of my enjoyment of heels/boots, and I have worn some flat riding boots out with her before (under jeans).  I've done drives in the car with some of my higher heeled boots on and a few quick stops to get gas.  Nothing much out and about in high heels though.

[HeelAddict99]

Responded # 2 to the survey...

 

I'm somewhat a lurker on the site.  Responded to a few choice threads.  Never figured out how to post a picture.... But absolutely needed to discuss my day in San Antonio!  I'm in on business from PA and brought two pairs of shoes and two pairs of short shorts (my motivation for dropping 50 lbs...) and freshly shaved (actually epilated) and tanned (actually chemically sunless tan) legs with me.  I planned to stroll through some of the shopping in the area with my heels.  Temps in the 60's made the outfits appropriate!

 

Earlier in the week I wore a pair of 4 inch black vince camuto "throated" pumps and jean shorts to Best Buy, DSW, Old Navy, Nordstroms, Barns and Noble and the like.  Nary a comment.  Sales Associates asking if I needed help, and the like.  Then I thought I would walk through the North Star Mall in my summer attire.  I sat in my car for almost 30 minutes changing into jeans & heels and back into shorts and heels and could NOT get out of the car no matter how I was dressed for fear of .... whatever we're (some of us at least) fearful of.

 

I went back today in Green Old Navy shorts and 4/5 inch Colin Stuart green ankle wrap heels and stolled through Barns and Noble and Ross for almost 30 minutes - when I finally decided I WAS doing to do the maill stroll. 

 

Went back to my same parking lot and sat for a couple minutes .... then changed to jeans and the Colin Stuart heels ... and finally left the car and started walking through the mall.  What a blast!  No body cared not a single comment heard ... Window shopped and Steve Madden (generally too small - but it was fun looking), Nine West, Payless, See's Candies (love their Toffee'ettes).  It was a minor victory - I really wanted to do the shorts and heels stroll...

 

I'm flying home on Friday, and may get one last chance to pull this off on Thursday.  Gotta screw up the courage - but today definitely help get me focused on what I like to do and people generally just don't care.

 

I really want to post pictures too,  I own about 20 pairs of shoes and would love to show my jaunts (sorry Jeff) on the site when I get the opportunity to do so.

 

So long for now.

 

If I get the time I would love to report back with another positive step. 

I am still sorry to say that I would never do this at home for fear of bumping into someone I know  .... and the circle is getting bigger due to friends and family of my childrens friends and classmates

[mlroseplant]

Responded # 2 to the survey...

 

 

If I get the time I would love to report back with another positive step. 

I am still sorry to say that I would never do this at home for fear of bumping into someone I know  .... and the circle is getting bigger due to friends and family of my childrens friends and classmates

Congratulations on your successful outing!  I hope you can do it again one more time tomorrow before returning home.  I think you may find in the future that people you know don't really care either.  It's what I've found, much to my surprise.  I rarely leave the house these days in less than a 4 inch heel, unless I'm going to my construction job.  I step foot inside a high school and an elementary school regularly wearing substantial heels.  I wear heels to church.  I wear heels to the grocery store, the social Mecca of our town.  Nobody seems to say anything, at least not to my face.  Of course this may be because I'm from Iowa, where there's some sort of unwritten law that you can't acknowledge the elephant in the room.

 

All kidding aside, at some point you may want to consider the possibility of heeling in your own town.  It may be far less dramatic than you think.  Thanks for the post!

[Spikes]

I voted myself as a #2 for a couple of reasons.  Since my wife, family and friends know nothing of my heel wearing, I'm reluctant to be exposed by one of them.  There are two types of heeling that I like to do.  When I'm wearing ankle boots with a blade or stiletto heel, I feel more comfortable in public because they seem more discreet.  But my real love is 5 inch stiletto pumps and that's where the problem lies.  Somehow I have it in my mind that the ankle boots are more acceptable and less obvious.  The stiletto pumps though are obviously totally feminine, which is why I like to wear them so much.  I can go into a department store wearing the ankle boots and feel comfortable, but am totally self conscious about the stiletto pumps and have never tried to wear them in public for fear of ridicule.

[Steve63130]

Your last statement seems to contradict the statement in your signature line. You say you "have never tried to wear [stiletto pumps] in public for fear of ridicule," but in the signature line you say you "love to wear classic opera pumps in public with 4-5 inch stiletto heels." Can you explain this discrepancy or am I not understanding something?

 

Thanks,

 

Steve

[Spikes]

I guess my statement is more honest than my signature line.  Do I dream of wearing 4-5 inch classic pumps in public? Hell yes.  Have I done it?  Of course, but only in very controlled environments.  What I really mean is that I'm comfortable wearing ankle boots with a 3 inch heel in more public places than stilettos.

[BelleDeMer]

  In my whole life, I have never received a compliment on my looks from a stranger, except when I am in heels ( 4 times !). Yet I have also gotten the stares, head shakes, and under-the - breath comments several times that sort of balance out the whole : Fear/Confidence Index with me

[Steve63130]

Thank you, Spikes. I understand.

 

The more you go out in public, the easier it becomes. Keep up the good work!

 

Steve

[saudade]

Ok finally figured out why this poll slightly annoyed me.

 

I don't "hide" my shoes, thats mostly the style I go for in general. But technically yes I do "hide" them so yeah, eh whatever.

[SleekHeels]

Ok finally figured out why this poll slightly annoyed me.

 

I don't "hide" my shoes, thats mostly the style I go for in general. But technically yes I do "hide" them so yeah, eh whatever.

 

Presumably that was relating to the other poll "Are You Hidding Your High Heel Boots Under Pants Or Showing Them With Jean Under Boots?"

http://www.hhplace.org/topic/22083-are-you-hidding-your-high-heel-boots-under-pants-or-showing-them-with-jean-under-boots/

[4608]

Well, I voted 1 as far as traditional "ladies shoes" goes but I do wear my RM Williams boots with 2,5" of heel out and about on a regular basis as well as my Giorgio Brutini boots with a much louder 2" heel.

[saudade]

Presumably that was relating to the other poll "Are You Hidding Your High Heel Boots Under Pants Or Showing Them With Jean Under Boots?"

http://www.hhplace.org/topic/22083-are-you-hidding-your-high-heel-boots-under-pants-or-showing-them-with-jean-under-boots/

Heh, yep, ignore my derp.

[NewfieGuyInHeels]

When it comes to boots, I can wear any shape heel, and any shape toe with 110% confidence. However! With shoes I'm a lot more self conscious. I want to get into wearing pumps more for the warmer weather, but my mind goes back to that uneasy self conscious state that I had 10 years ago when I first started with boots in public. I really want to get past that and anyone with any thoughts, tips, experiences, Please feel free to message me. Like knee highs said. I'd love to hear the good stuff, even constructive comments, but with boots or shoes, ppls looks, laughs, an negative comments don't phase me at all!

[SleekHeels]

When it comes to boots, I can wear any shape heel, and any shape toe with 110% confidence. However! With shoes I'm a lot more self conscious. I want to get into wearing pumps more for the warmer weather, but my mind goes back to that uneasy self conscious state that I had 10 years ago when I first started with boots in public. I really want to get past that and anyone with any thoughts, tips, experiences, Please feel free to message me. Like knee highs said. I'd love to hear the good stuff, even constructive comments, but with boots or shoes, ppls looks, laughs, an negative comments don't phase me at all!

 

It sounds like "that uneasy self conscious state" 10 years ago with boots turned into "110% confidence", so you've achieved it before, the only difference is that with shoes it'll hopefully be a lot quicker than another 10 years! If everyone's all booted up for the winter but you can't wait to build some confidence with shoes, maybe wear them to the theatre or some other place where people would wear high heeled shoes. It's not that you should be afraid of being the only one in the room wearing heels, I just think it's a lot of fun being some place where others are wearing their heels too. I remember one time I went to a concert, I was wearing regular guys flats but when I saw some ladies wearing their heels I felt so left out I couldn't resist changing into my heels that I had in my bag. This was back in my early days and it seemed like a huge step at the time, whereas I wouldn't think twice about it now.

[NewfieGuyInHeels]

No I'm sure it won't be 10 years. Mainly I'm struggling to find decent outfits. I've been saying I want to look like "a guy who wears heels" and not "a guy wearing heels." If you guys get my meaning. I dunno why I'm struggling to make shoes work, where boots just seem to come so natural. It's probably just all in my head, I just need to get over it.